How To Talk To Girls: Getting Over Approach Anxiety

The thought of approaching a total stranger can be pretty intimidating, especially when you are first learning how to talk to girls. However, knowing the right mindsets and a couple of techniques can mean the difference between searching Craigslist's "missed connections" section and searching for a good location for your first date.

So before we look at how to get over approach anxiety, let's first try to understand what it is.

What is approach anxiety?

Most of you have probably felt it before. You see the beautiful girl and you freeze up. You start to get in your head and second guess whether or not you want to talk to her. You rationalize why it's a bad idea and the next thing you know, you just talked yourself out of a perfectly good approach.

Approach anxiety is that discomfort you feel when you are about to talk to someone new. In reality, it can happen just before meeting anyone but seems to be at its worst just before approaching a beautiful girl.

Now some will say that this is innate and will never go away while others say that they still feel it no matter what level they reach socially. I would have to say from my own experience that it only has the power that you give it. I still get those butterflies from time to time, but most of the time it doesn't even phase me. And that is because of practice!

Approach, Approach, Approach

In order to learn how to talk to girls and get over your approach anxiety, you must treat this skill like any other. Believe it or not, it is no different than learning how to play the guitar or ride a bike. It simply takes practice and massive amounts of action.

Now you might be saying, "Well how am I supposed to approach girls when I am afraid to approach girls"? The answer to that my friend is with COURAGE. You will just have to be brave and trust in your abilities.

Once you see that getting turned down isn't as bad as you thought it was, you will actually want to do it more and more. Soon as you know it, you will have become desensitized to the feeling of approach anxiety. That doesn't mean that it won't creep up from time to time, but at least you will have a catalog of previous reference experiences to draw from when it does.

Do your social warm ups

When you watch a basketball game getting ready to start what do you normally see? You see the players practicing lay ups and other shots that don't require too much effort or intensity. This is because they know that in order to play at their best, they must first warm up.

The same can be applied to your social and dating skills. Talking to the most beautiful girl in the place is like going for a 360 dunk on a fast break. Why not just try chatting up the bartender or help?

Then work your way to a couple of non-threatening groups. Heck, you can even just talk to girls that you don't even find attractive. It really doesn't matter the age, size, looks, or type of person you talk to. The main point is to just get comfortable in your environment.

Once you are loose and goosey and feel like you are in your element, you will not find talking to that cutie as intimidating.

Be process oriented not outcome dependent

Too many guys go into their approaches worried about how it is going to turn out. Not only does this make you more nervous than you should be but it takes you away from the present moment.

When you are worried about the future, even if it is just minutes away, it takes you away from what is happening in the present moment. This can divide your focus and lengthen your learning curve. Instead of worrying about what is going to happen, just focus on what IS happening.

When you look at each social interaction as a true learning experience and pay attention to details, you will walk away with very valuable knowledge. Take a notepad with you so you can literally take notes and find holes in your game.

While there is a lot more to be covered in regards to learning how to talk to girls and approach anxiety, work on these three principles and watch your skills drastically improve. They might not seem like much, but trust me, they do make all the difference.

But just remember the most important thing, knowledge is useless without action. So it is not enough to read this. You must get out there and practice, practice, practice. Best of luck to ya!


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