How to Talk to Girls



Plenty of guys struggle to talk to girls, but there's no reason why it should be difficult. It may seem like some men are naturals at impressing women, but even if you don't fancy yourself as a conversationalist, you can learn how to successfully talk to women.

How to start a conversation

The scariest part of talking to women is starting off that first conversation. This is where guys fail- not because they can't carry a conversation, but because they're too nervous to start one. Men try to think of something witty to say, and end up scaring themselves out of the idea of starting a conversation at all.

You don't need to open with a great pick-up line. All you need to do is to say something, and make the conversation flow from there. If you can't think of anything, just ask her how her day has been.

But don't you need an opener?

Being different is central to successfully picking up women. So you may find it odd that I'm suggesting you can start by asking a bland question. It's not necessarily the best way to start, but it works- unless she's a real bitch, she'll respond. Once you get more confidence in talking to women, you can experiment with more novel ways of opening a conversation.

Keeping the conversation going

You need to leave yourself somewhere to go after that first sentence. For example, if you ask her what time it is, she'll tell you- and the conversation will die there. Before you open your mouth, think about where you're going to go with the conversation.

You don't want to bombard her with questions. It's a casual exchange, not a job interview. Any questions you ask should be open-ended and phrased as statements where possible, so she has to participate more in the conversation rather than giving simple yes/no answers.

Awkward pauses don't just happen- you create them, and you can learn to avoid them. If she has just come to the end of a sentence, reply with another sentence, rather than saying something like "I see" and then waiting for her to talk again. Neither of you will have anything to say, and the conversation will falter.

If you anticipate an awkward silence, don't announce it and draw attention to the fact it's awkward. Instead, stop the silence before it gets out of hand by changing the topic. Something around you is bound to provide stimulus for the next topic. If she's wearing eye-catching jewelry, that's perfect material for your next object of discussion. Ask her about the story behind it. She'll be pleased that you noticed and with any luck, she will have an interesting story to tell.

Some people just aren't the best conversationalists. However, this is a skill you can learn and will get better at with practice.

Conversation isn't all about talking

A conversation will suffocate if you cannot listen as well as speak. If she feels like the conversation is only going one way and she can't get a word in, she'll get bored. Plenty of guys resort to verbal diarrhea when they get nervous and don't even realize it. Sometimes they are so anxious about thinking of what they should say next, that they fail to listen attentively. Try to listen to yourself objectively as you talk, to check that you're not being too overbearing.

You also want to hold back a little so that she has to do some of the work in creating conversation. If there's a pause, it doesn't matter. Let her fill the gaps sometimes. If she has to work to attract you, she will want you more.

Keep it light and flirty

It's one thing to talk to a girl, it's quite another to flirt with her. Gentle teasing should do the trick- but that's not something you can plan. You need to bounce off what she's saying. For example, if you're at a bar talking to a girl who is clearly not a local, you could ask where she's from. She'll tell you the country she's from, and then you could exclaim, "Really?! You came all the way from (her country) to go to this bar?"- although keep in mind that this would not work on a girl whose English is so poor that she won't get the joke.

You want your conversation to be fun, so steer clear of any contentious topics such as religion and politics. It doesn't have to be a shallow conversation- you can get personal, but try to stick to positive topics. A good topic for the purpose of getting to know each other as well as having an enjoyable conversation is to ask her about her ambitions, and tell her about yours. Because people enjoy talking about their aspirations, she will be keen to tell you all about the future she has planned and will be pleased that someone has taken an interest.

Creating sexual tension in the first conversation you have with her is important. You want her to want you, or nothing will come of the interaction. If you create interest, she will want to get in contact with you again. It's not enough to just get along well, or you could be banished to the friend zone (and while that's not the worst position to be in, there are certainly better positions to be had).

Smiling and using plenty of eye contact as you converse will make her feel like you have a real connection. But don't get touchy with her too soon. You want to create intrigue and leave her wondering, rather than making your intentions too obvious. Light touches when the moment is right are the way to go.

You also need to know when to close the conversation- before it dies. As much as you wouldn't want to, make your excuses when she seems most interested. Take that opportunity to exchange numbers, and leave her wanting you.

Women can smell desperation

When chatting up women, you need to come across as confident and self-assured. You want her to think that you don't care if she's not impressed. If you invest all your hopes in getting with her, she'll relish the power you've given her. She will enjoy seeing you fawn over her and will feel flattered, but she'll see it as pathetic and will not develop an interest in you.

This is also why you don't want to wait too long before approaching. If you've been shyly eyeing her from across the bar all night and take hours to work up the courage to talk to her, she won't be impressed. She might think it's cute that you're nervous about speaking to her, but that won't get you into her pants.

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