How to Text a Girl - The 5 Most Damaging Mistakes

Texting too often, too soon

This seems like a no brainer but it really is a very subtle thing, which even I as a texting guru have to be cautious with. Firing off a text right after meeting someone, often is not a good idea. Even if they are all over you, still show some restraint. Waiting a day or two to contact for the first time shows emotional maturity and power. Leaving the texting conversation first or not texting as often as she, communicates that you are in demand. Something as simple as this often plants a seed of doubt, which will draw her too you like iron to a magnet.

Being sexual

Texting too often, too soon is the most common texting mistake, but being overly sexual is the most damaging when texting girls. What a lot of guys don't get is that women have a built-in genetic fear of men that can be triggered with a sneeze. Don't believe me? Think for a second the level of sexual violence women have experienced over the last million years and you can imagine why this is hard-coded into female DNA.

If you have not created enough comfort in the relationship, sending even the slightest sexual text will trigger her "RUN AWAY!" impulse. She will perceive that the sexual is your only interest and if you are creepy in the SLIGHTEST, it's all over.

To double up on this fear, no woman, even the most promiscuous girl (believe me I have tested this) refuses to be perceived only for sex. It might be 100% true that she wants to violate you to the same degree but you can't be the one open this door. When learning how to text a girl, make her feel safe first, and I assure you if there is attraction, sexual intimacy will follow.

Being overly aggressive/cocky

I just got a drunken email from a client, "I tried your advice and it backfired! Clearly your suggestions don't always work!" He apologized the next day, saying he was drunk and didn't mean to send the email. I asked him to show me what happened, and this is a synopsis of what he text a girl:

Him: You text me too often, you are cute, but not cute enough to text me this much

Her: Don't be so mean, what are you up to later?

Him: Not sure, might go out with your sister

Her: I don't have a sister

Him: What, no sister? Well I guess the three-way is out, got a cute friend?

Her: Um... are you drunk?

Okay, ouch... I don't like to see things like this since he clearly didn't listen to my advice on how to text a girl. There is a big difference between being cocky/funny and just being a jerk. He was on a high from his previous success but he took it too far with this girl.

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The problem is when you run into a girl who can't hang with this or simply is clueless as to how to respond. Being arrogant, self-assured, and cocky MUST be balanced with playfulness AND you must sense your target. If you are playing tennis with a 5-year-old, lob the damn ball, don't send it flying at their face. (Better yet don't play with 5-year-olds)

Being too nice/boring

I see this all the time when I teach guys how to text girls. They don't know how to text a girl in a way that creates tension, creates attraction. Playing it safe is easy but gives the least return on your efforts. In other words, if you gamble at nickel slots, you will never get the large payout.

Him: Hey wow it was really great to meet you last night

Her: Yeah, you seem sweet

Him: I am, but you are not only sweet but so cute!

Her: Wow, you are not so bad yourself (She is flattered but mildly repulsed)

Him: So cutie, what are you doing tomorrow, love to buy you dinner

Her: Thanks so much but I have to... (Wash my hair, wax my bottom, etc)

Yes yes, you have all heard the nice guy never wins, but do you understand why? It isn't because women like jerks more, but it is because the jerk creates tension and that tension is sexy. Being nice creates safety but it is incredibly dull and does not create attraction. I know you have experienced the same thing with that really sweet, really cute girl you dumped. Why? Not because you are a bad guy, but simply because nice is boring and the tension of attraction didn't exist. When texting girls you must push the boundaries, you must be interesting, or you will never be successful.

Relationship ultimatums

This is more of a girl thing to pull, but I have received countless emails from guys who have violated this. Here are examples of horrible relationship ultimatum texts:

Hey I really like you and I would like to know where this is going?

If I text you I would really like a text back sooner, feel like you don't care

I feel like I am the only one working on this relationship

I am not cool with you having so many guy friends

I really like you and I don't want to play any more games


All of these texts are communicating, "I am weak, I need reassurance that you care, you have more power than me, I am jealous, and I am acting like a girl." If you write this kind of text you are forcing her into a more male role and she will act accordingly and run away just like you would. Let her move towards you first, then tell her you feel the same. Always keep the balance when texting girls, always be the one in control of your emotions.

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