What Attracts Women - Their Dirty Little Secret

A lot of men drive themselves crazy trying to figure out what attracts women. There's reason it's so frustrating - women often don't know themselves what they really attracts them. That's part of why surveys polling women about what they want in a man are so unhelpful. It's not that women are trying to be deceiving. They answer truthfully according to what they think attracts them, but often they're unaware of what really attract them

Making things even more difficult for men is the fact that gender roles have become so unclear these days. It's difficult for men to find their appropriate way of being in the world, especially for men who have grown up without effective masculine role models in their life.

To unravel what attracts woman you need to look for objective facts. Sociologists do this, and some of their findings are quite interesting. I'll tell you about one study in a moment

You can also do a little of your own research just by going the magazine section of a major bookstore and looking at the magazines in the woman's interest section. Putting out a magazine is an expensive proposition and more fail than make it. They survive on the advertising spending of people who offer products related to the topic of the magazine to its readers.

If a magazine has been around for a while, that means it has readers and they spend money. Women make most of the spending decisions in this country, so magazine publishers are eager to produce magazines on subjects of interest to women.

Despite the dramatic increase in the number of career oriented woman today, the vast majority of magazines targeting women have to do with home, family and fashion. As old fashioned as it sounds and as loudly as some women would deny it, if that wasn't the truth about women's interest, the magazines wouldn't exist. Instead, there would be women-oriented business magazines or whatever filling the shelves. In this case, the market reveals reality.


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Now this doesn't automatically mean women have marriage continually on their mind (although the commitment thing does become an issue for a lot of women, but that's another subject). It does mean that women do respond to some traditional masculine traits.

In particular, women are attracted to men they perceive as powerful or leaders. It's a biological hold-over from ancient times where mating with the strongest was likely to yield the strongest child, as well as offer some protection to the woman in a physically dangerous world.

Of course relationships are vastly more complicated today and many factors influence them. But the biological drives are still there.

This doesn't mean a man needs to be aggressive or obnoxiously assertive. In fact, that behavior is a turn off. In today's world, quiet confidence and self assurance speak more loudly that bragging. Overly aggressive or loud men are often more insecure than any thing else and that doesn't appeal to women.

A study I mentioned sheds some light on this. Researchers hired groups of male and female actors. Half of the men and half the women were selected for their conventional good looks. In Hollywood terms, they would be the leading actors. The other half of each group were selected because they were, well, not ugly exactly. Let's just say they were character actors.

Then they dressed the actors and photographed them twice. In one photograph, the actor, male or female, was dressed in formal business attire, implying success and power. In another photograph, the same actors were dressed in something that looked like it might be the uniform for a fast food place.

The experiment was this. They showed the photographs to groups of male and female college students. Some students saw a given actor in dressy clothes while others saw the same actor in the fast food uniform. While they were looking at each picture, the researchers asked the students questions about each person they were looking at, including things like how likely they might be to go on a date with that person or how likely they might be to get involved in a serious relationship.

Most people can guess the results for men. If you're a good looking woman, it doesn't matter what you wear or how much power you have or don't have. Men will want to go out with you.

For women, it was overwhelmingly the power clothes that won, regardless of the man's own appearance.

The good news in this for guys is that you don't have to be born handsome to attract a woman.

However, this is also not to say that women are materialistic or that a guy needs to be rich to attract a woman (but let's be real - it doesn't hurt).

I think it does give some hints on what works, and this isn't anything you fake. It needs to be real. Women are very much attracted to a man who is self-assured and confident and comfortable with who they are. They sense that as power and security - something they can trust. Truly powerful men don't have to bully people or show off to try to impress someone.

Women are also attracted to competence. I heard a line in a movie once that was a good bit of advice for the real world. An experienced "player" was giving advice to a younger guy who was having trouble with women. He said "Let her catch you doing something excellent, and if you're not excellent at something then you have bigger problems than I can help you with."

It is possible to develop this inner confidence and sense of self even if you don't have it right now, and it's well worth doing for reasons beyond attracting women. Every aspect of you life will improve.

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